Realizations

    I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. About the friendships I have and who I have them with. And I've come to realize that some friendships are just temporary. And some are not. And some are constantly evolving as you evolve. And some do not.
    I got married a little later in life than a lot of the friends I grew up with. When they got married and I was still single I found that I couldn't relate to them as well as I used to. They had someone in their life that they wanted to spend all of their time with and that meant spending a lot less time with me. I was a little jealous, sure. Not of their specific choice of spouse but because they had found someone they wanted to be with forever and I hadn't found my person yet. We grew apart. These friends that I had felt so close with. At times it was really hard. Not only could I not relate to them but I felt like they forgot what it was like to be in my position and they couldn't relate to me either. I sometimes felt like I was being talked down to. That they had some cosmic understanding of the way life worked that I was just ignorant to. I didn't invite them to hang out with my other single friends. It was kind of like they didn't belong anymore. They had moved on to something better.
    When I got married I swore that I wouldn't let my friendships with my single friends change and that I would improve upon the friendships that had started to crumble with my married friends. I quickly discovered that there was nothing I could do to stop my friendships from changing as hard as I tried. My single friends stopped inviting me to things. Most of my married friends had started to have children and it was like they had advanced to an even more elite club that I wasn't a part of. I started to feel like I just couldn't relate to anybody.
    As soon as I got pregnant I quickly became even more distant from my single friends but received a warm kind of invitation to the very exclusive mothers club. Finally, I could relate to a few of those friends that I thought I would never again be able to. Some broken bridges were mended. That felt really good.
    It didn't feel that great to be excluded from things just because I was married and a mother though. I felt that I wasn't all that different. I was still fun. Why didn't my single friends want me around any more? They gave plenty of excuses - the same ones I used to give - like "we always assume you'll be too busy" or "we don't want you to have to drive up all this way with the baby". The truth is, I would have jumped at the chance to get out of the house and I'm not all that busy. I can take care of a baby out and about just as easily as I can take care of a baby at home. I've come to realize that that wasn't the real problem. The real problem is that they just can't relate to me anymore. And I can't relate to them.
     I guess the whole point of this late night ramble is to say that I get it. And I'll try not to take it personally. Friendships come and go. And people that you're friends with now you may not be friends with a year from now. Everyone is at a different place in their lives. And that's okay. And I'm sorry to all of the friends that I flaked out on and excluded because they weren't at the same place in their lives that I was. I get it now. Boy, do I get it.
    At the end of the day what really matters is that I married my best friend. And that friendship isn't going anywhere.

Healthy Habits - Happiness Project

    Ok. It's been a while since I've worked on my happiness project. After the baby was born I had a hard time getting excited about doing anything. Post-partum depression really isn't a joke. And because of some of the things going on with our little family I didn't feel like I was allowed to really acknowledge or address the fact that I was in a pretty bad place. Well, I've finally acknowledged it. Now it's time to address it.
    I'm going to be focusing on my physical health and well-being. Gretchen Rubin's "The Happiness Project" takes on one theme each month and really gets down to making improvements in that specific area while continuing to do all of the things she started the previous month with the previous theme. It kind of works accumulatively. So, while I am continuing to work on my relationship with my husband I will be adding to it by working on my physical health. And it's not something I'll just work on for a month either. I will be continuing to work on it pretty much indefinitely. I'll just add something next month or whenever I feel like I'm ready to add more.
    I have two areas I would like to work on this month and here's how I plan on implementing them.

    Eat healthier.

• Weight Watchers - I've already mentioned that I have started the WW program a couple of weeks ago. This program not only challenges you to eat healthier but to really take a look at what you're eating and utilize portion control. As a stay-at-home mom it's really easy to graze on food all day long because I'm here and it's here. You have to be accountable for every piece of food that you eat because you are tracking all day long. The weekly weigh-in also helps to hold you accountable to someone other than yourself. I can't say enough good things about this program. Seriously.
• Nature Box - This is something that I'm really excited about and we got our first box today. We signed up to get a box of healthy, organic snacks in the mail once a month. One of the problems with Weight Watchers is I tend to easily get in a rut. I know what food I'm comfortable with and will equal certain points and I end up eating the same thing almost every day. I don't really try anything new because I don't really know what's out there. Nature Box is a great way to try different healthy snacks that I maybe wouldn't have tried on my own. If you want more information, check out their website here.

These are the snacks we get to try out this month:

Garden Tomato Almonds

Country Ranch Sunflower Seeds

Cherry Gnache Granola

Big Island Pineapple Slices

Whole Wheat Blueberry Figgy Bars

Lemon Tea Buiscuts 

• Bountiful Baskets - We are also all set up to start getting Bountiful Baskets. Each week you typically get 6 varieties of fruits and 6 varieties of vegetables that are in-season and locally grown. This is really big for me because almost all fruits and vegetables are 0 points on the Weight Watchers program - with the exception of some starchy veggies like potatoes, corn & peas. This means that I can have as much as a want. There are next to no restrictions. Yay!!!

    Move More.

• ActiveLink - Weight Watchers offers a kind of program that runs in conjunction with their eating plan that helps to monitor your activity throughout the day and uses monthly challenges to help motivate you to exercise more. I basically wear this little device (usually clipped to my bra) that monitors my daily activity and calculates how many activity points I've earned that day. I can use those points to eat a snack or I can choose to not use those points and hopefully increase my weight loss for the week. This month I've been challenged to earn 2 activity points a day at least 5 days a week. 

This little guy is even waterproof!!!

• Surgery - I have been waiting to go in to meet with the specialist about my hip because Michael & I recently had to purchase private health insurance since he went down to working part time and we're waiting on our new insurance cards to come in the mail. Once they're here I need to get the show on the road. I know surgery hurts and I'm scared to go back under the knife. Especially now that I have a baby to take care of and can't be out of commission for very long. BUT I've got to bite the bullet and get this done once and for all. Once I'm recovered, I'll be able to really get some proper exercise and melt this baby weight right off!!!

    I realize the biggest challenge is to remain positive. To not knock myself down when I slip up a little. To not think of myself as fat and especially not to say anything negative out loud. I don't ever want my kids to hear that their mom hates her body. What kind of message does that send?! Besides, it just isn't attractive and I know my husband doesn't like hearing me say it as much as I don't like hearing me say it. Nobody wants to be that girl. A big part of this is truly mental.

Here's my motivation. I will be this sexy again!!

Check Up & Baby Blessing

     We had Emerson's baby blessing last weekend. We wanted to wait until Michael's parents were back from their mission and at a time when most of Michael's brothers could be there. We ended up driving over to Spokane to have the blessing at my sister-in-law's house so we could all also go to our niece's baptism. My dad, stepmom and brother were also able to be there which made it extra special.

Our first family picture since baby was born. I look awful but it was blessing day so I can't burn it. 

    So, speaking of looking awful. . . I'm finally doing something about it. I gained a crazy amount of baby weight. Quite frankly, I never understood how anyone could let themselves gain that much weight during pregnancy (I'm horrible) but now that I've been there I totally get it. I've been unable to do much exercise because of my hip but I'm working hard to eat right. I joined Weight Watchers. Embarrassing to admit but it really is a good program. I've lost over 10 lbs in the first 2 weeks. I actually did WW a couple of years ago with my mom and she lost enough weight on the program to be able to feel the lump in her breast and that's how she discovered she had cancer. So, I know this program works well and it also works well for me. Excited to see improvement.

     

    Emerson had his 4 month check up today. He weighs 16 lbs 9 oz and is 26.5 inches tall. Big kid for sure. I talked to the doctor because I was worried that Emerson seems to have next to no interest in rolling over. He had rolled over from his tummy to his back a few times but never from his back to his tummy. I'll put him down for tummy time a couple of times per day and he will just hang out there without making any kind of attempt to roll over at all. She checked his motor skills and he's doing just fine. He's not developing behind the average infant. He just isn't interested in rolling over. He's too cool. What a relief!!!
    Michael is almost finished with his first quarter back at school. He's done so well. We just might have a 4.0 in the family. :-) I'm so proud of him for doing something so scary - changing our whole plan for the future and committing to something that will be a lot of hard work but will ultimately make him so happy. My husband has some serious guts. So incredibly sexy.

4 Months Old & Our Mini Vacation

    Emerson is nearly 4 months old! He was 16 weeks on Sunday. Time sure flies. This kid is learning so much. He can roll from front to back (well, more like flop from front to back but it counts in my book!!) and he's almost ready to start sitting up by himself. He talks or squeals all of the time. He naps less during the day and likes to play more and more. When he does nap, he's napping more independently. I don't have to lie down with him and nurse him anymore to get him to fall asleep. He'll grab anything in his reach and put it in his mouth. He loves all of his toys. His eyes are turning a beautiful honey brown like his daddy's but he looks more like me than like Michael. At least I think so. He's so happy all of the time and he's so well behaved. Almost abnormally so. But I'm not complaining. :-)

Thumb-sucking. This is new.

Rolling (flopping) over!!!

    We've had a very busy couple of weeks. We went down to St. George for a wedding and were able to stay for a couple extra days to take a mini-vaca of sorts. As much as we hate to admit it, there are definitely things we miss about St. George and were happy to see again. Although, we didn't really miss the heat. We spent a lot of time just hanging out at the hotel watching HGTV (a real treat since we don't have TV at our house) and getting in a little bit of pool time. Emerson went swimming for the first time! He didn't like it so much. It's not nice and warm like bath water. We also got to spend some time with the family that I have down there and introduce Emerson to them. He was so loved!! 

Matching swim trunks!!!

Too cold!!

Meeting Great Grandma Harward

(my mom's mom)

    Michael started school the day after we got back and he's been busy ever since. I hardly get to see him. He goes to school in the mornings and then works for a couple of hours in the afternoon and then goes back to school in the evenings. He's also still volunteering at the local animal shelter as often as he can. He means business!!!

Synovial Chondromatosis

    I mentioned in a previous post that I was having really bad hip pain even after a surgery this time last year that was supposed to fix whatever was wrong with me. I got a referral to an orthopedic office from my doctor and had an x-ray done two weeks ago. Nothing showed up on the x-ray so I went in for a MRI last week. That was quite the experience. I was put under an x-ray machine and could see my hip joint up on the monitor. My feet and knees were taped together so I couldn't move and then the doctor gave me a little dose of lidocaine to numb me up. With a much BIGGER needle, he injected a contrast solution through my groin directly into the joint. It zinged quite a bit. And by quite a bit, I mean A LOT. It was very painful. I was then inserted into the MRI tube and promptly fell asleep for 45 minutes while they did the test. My hip was very stiff for a couple of days afterward because of all the extra fluid sloshing around in there. In fact, I had to get on a plane the day after the test to fly to St. George, UT for a wedding and when we took off and every time there was any turbulence (enough to feel my tummy drop a little) I felt that zinging sensation again in my hip from all of that extra fluid putting pressure on everything in there. Unpleasant.
    Anyway, I got a call from my doctor today once he finally had time to look over my MRI results and it turns out there are a bunch of little foreign bodies floating around in there that he thinks must be extra cartilage. I guess I have a rare condition called Synovial Chondromatosis. It's not life threatening by any means but it can be very painful. Basically my body makes extra unnecessary cartilage that ends up in my joints and can cause a lot of damage. Good news is, there is a cure!!!! Bad news is, the cure is surgery.
    I have to meet with a specialist to determine the next step. There are two types of surgery available for this particular problem and that's something the specialist will decide.
    I'm just so happy to finally have an answer. I was so frustrated that any doctor I talked to about this up until this point didn't take me seriously. It's kind of satisfying to know that it's not all in my head. It's a real thing and I'm not making any of this up. I'm also really happy that there is a way to fix it. That the solution doesn't have to be narcotic pain management for the rest of my life. I won't have to walk with a weird limp anymore. I will be able to run and jump and squat down on the floor and play with my kids. I'll eventually be able to be active enough to lose all of this baby weight!!! Huzzah!!!

3 months old!!!

    All of my infant development books say that once a baby hits the 12 week mark their age is usually referred to in months. So, I've got myself an adorable 3 month old baby that I just can't get enough of. :)      
    I am in absolute awe whenever I watch this little boy discover new things or reach new milestones. He has discovered his hands and sucks on them constantly and uses them to swat at whatever he can reach. He's finally developed a budding interest in toys but he's very particular about which ones. He's started to giggle. He smiles almost every time he makes direct eye contact with anyone. He's eating more and more and growing like a weed. He can almost roll over from his tummy to his back but not quite. He's getting better about sitting up by himself in the bumbo chair but he still doesn't like it very much. He likes to tell stories - he's talking all of the time. He has such a perfect temperament. He doesn't cry very much at all. Happy baby all of the time (except nap time).
     The next couple of weeks are going to be so good for our little family. We're gearing up for Michael to go back to school in two weeks. He's really excited. We're both excited to fly down to St. George in a week to visit some old friends and see Michael's older brother get married. But I think we're most excited to have Michael's parents move back up to Washington. We've really missed having them nearby. They'll be moving back right after the wedding.
      Now that things are starting to settle down and we're getting the hang of being parents I think I'm ready to start my happiness project back up again. Have some ideas in the works but I won't be implementing them until the beginning of July. Really anxious to get back into it.
     In the meantime, please enjoy perusing through the following pictures of my model baby. :)

Michael thinks this is hilarious. . .

And finally, watch this video. It will make your day.

My Dad's Wedding

    My dad got married this last weekend and we were able to drive down and celebrate with him. Emerson travelled surprisingly well and so did our little Luna girl. They both slept for most of the drive.  It was absolutely wonderful.
    Emerson got to meet most of my side of the family. My dad was the only one who was able to make it up this way when he was born so he was brand new to everyone else. It was a lot of fun showing him off. My little brother Kyle is such a proud uncle. At the reception he was bringing over everyone to look at his perfect little nephew.
    The marriage ceremony was beautiful. I'm really happy for my dad. I mean, a part of me is sad that now he's married to someone that isn't my mom but his new wife really is wonderful and I'm so glad he's not lonely anymore. I got to meet all of my new step siblings and their spouses and kids. Not sure I'll ever be able to get all of their names right and remember who belongs to whom but it was really fun seeing our family more than triple in size.
    Kyle is staying at our house while Dad and Jessie are on their honeymoon. I'm definitely getting worn out. He is keeping me on my toes. There is a lot of talk of Starwars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Ironman, The Avengers and Transformers around here. He is helping me with Luna though. He keeps her out of my hair.
    Today I took Kyle up to Whidby Island via Deception Pass and we did some hiking and had a picnic. Then we went to Fort Casey and checked out the abandon buildings and huge cannons. We took the Mukilteo ferry back home. He didn't want to get out of the car and walk around the boat because he didn't believe me when I told him we were allowed to. Funny kid.
     Found out today that my credits from WCC have been approved and transfered over to EvCC. Such good news. I was planning on starting school this summer but I've hit a bit of a snag. I haven't technically lived in Washington state for the past year so I have to pay out-of-state tuition. Michael slipped by on a technicality. He never got a Utah license or changed his address with the post office the entire two years he lived in St. George so he can pass himself off as a Washington resident. I had to get a Utah license when I got married because my name changed. So, I'm forced to pay out-of-state tuition until November which is nearly twice as much as in-state tuition.
     I'm working on getting all of my federal aid paperwork taken care of. I have everything I need. Just need to take it into the office sometime this week. I won't be able to get any federal aid until winter quarter but that's okay. Michael has registered for summer classes and we've both registered for our fall classes. This is really happening. I'm so excited!

Dad & Jessie

Emerson & Great Grandma Rickords

Emerson & Uncle Kyle

Three generations!!!

Our day date to Whidby Island