Hip Surgery

    I've had trouble with my left hip for years. Since high school at least. When I lay down on my back and bicycle my legs there is a loud clunking sound from deep within that joint. Every time I would bring it up to my doctor he would brush it off and say "Oh, you're just having growing pains". This obviously was not true since there's no way that I could having "growing pains" on just one side of my body for 10 years without having any growth. And since when does growing cause internal clunking sounds?!
     This problem has made most strenuous physical activity just not worth it. There has been a constant dull pain as long as I can remember. The pain often begins to throb if I walk long distances, stand up for an extended period of time, sit or lay in the same position for too long or any time I try and exercise. This pain has also gotten progressively worse the older I get.
    Just after I got married, the pain began to interfere with my sleep to the point that I would just lay in bed crying because I was so uncomfortable and so exhausted. My mother-in-law helped me get in touch with an orthopedic surgeon who was very confused by my situation. He took some x-rays and didn't see anything wrong with the bones or cartilage. He did acknowledge that the clunking sound was not growing pains but he wasn't quite sure what it was. He said that I probably needed to fly to California or Seattle to have a specialist look at it. He thought I would need to have a procedure where a little camera was inserted directly into my hip to find out exactly what was going on and he wasn't equipped to do that procedure himself. I was overwhelmed and disappointed that there wasn't an immediate fix or even an immediate diagnosis. To help with the pain he gave me a cortisone shot directly into the joint (that's a big needle let me tell you) and sent me on my way.
    The cortisone shot seemed to help. It lasted about two weeks. I went back for another. And then another. He decided that since the cortisone shots were helping it must be a problem with my bursa. The bursa is a sac of fluid that keeps the bones from rubbing together and just makes the joint work smoothly. The doctor thought that my bursa was inflamed or infected. The solution? Go in and remove it.
    I went in for surgery expecting a few stitches, a small scar and for my problems to finally be over.

Not the case. I had 25 staples, a 5 1/2 inch scar and the worst pain I have ever experienced in my life. The pain I felt after this surgery, and for a week afterward, was so intense. It was ten times worse than labor pains. I wanted to scream every time I had to move or reposition myself in bed.
    The surgery was just over a year ago. I still have a clunking sound when I use that leg. I still have a constant dull aching pain but now the pain is even worse than before.  I'm so frustrated that I went through with the surgery and it did absolutely nothing for me but give me a puffy scar that makes me embarrassed to ever wear a bathing suit in public. I'm starting to feel the same pain in my right hip and my left shoulder. My left hip is still the worst though.
     I have dreams about this. The pain will be incorporated into my dreams to the point that I will dream about a knife stuck in my leg or that I am unable to run because my leg has been cut off or blown off at the hip. Last night I had a dream that I had to descend a huge flight of stairs and I had to take it incredibly slow as I clung to the rail and limped my way down.
    I brought all of this up to my OB at my postpartum appointment today. She's also my family doctor. She took a blood sample to check to see if it's a thyroid problem. I don't know how all of that works. But she's going to refer me to a orthopedist down in Seattle who will hopefully be able to give me some answers that the doctor in St. George couldn't.
    I'm worried that I won't be able to do fun things with my kids because of this. I can't go hiking or bike riding or running or anything like that. I'm worried about my weight. I'm having a hard time losing the baby weight because I am unable to do a whole lot of exercise.
    I'm obviously whining. I've just had a rough night. Ibuprofen is the strongest pain medication I can take while I'm breastfeeding and it isn't doing much for me. At least I can take something. When I was pregnant I couldn't take anything for it at all. That's a silver lining I guess.

8 Weeks Old

    Time really seems to be flying by. Our little guy gets bigger every day. He's already outgrown most of his newborn clothing. He only got to wear some outfits once! I'm taking him in for his two month check up tomorrow and it'll be fun to see how much weight he's gained!
    He's developing quite the personality. He's definitely a little momma's boy. I love getting happy baby smiles. The best part of my day is when we take a nap together. I love having him so close to me - feeling his milk-scented breath on my cheek and watching him dream. Being a mom is absolutely my favorite thing in the world.

   Emerson really likes looking at himself in the mirror lately (just like his daddy. haha.) and he loves listening to Judy Garland and Barbra Streisand on vinyl. He also likes listening to bagpipes. He loves his vibrating chair, especially when mom bounces it for him. He doesn't like tummy time but he's getting better at it! He's still not interested in any toys just yet but he's getting really great at holding his head up all by himself. He sleeps for a long 5 hour stretch every night and then once he's been fed and changed he'll usually sleep for another 1 to 2 hours. He's settled into a pretty regular nap schedule during the day - late morning, mid afternoon and early evening.
    My dear friend came and babysat him this week so I could go take a placement test for school. It was the first time I left him alone with anyone but Michael and even that had only happened once before. I was nervous to take the test but more nervous about separation anxiety. I did pretty well - on the test and with the momma-worry.
    Michael and I have both decided to start school this summer rather than waiting until the fall. We've already registered for classes and we'll be starting the day after we get back from Michael's brother's wedding. I'm excited to get the ball rolling and I'm up for the challenge.

Back to School

    Michael has been thinking about going back to school for a while. He has a BA from Western Washington University in business but he isn't happy in the business world like he thought that he would be. He's played around with some different ideas on what he would like to go back to school for but it wasn't until the week after Emerson was born that he really settled on something. Having his mom stay with us was a big help and the main factor that made him decide that he could have the dream job he always wanted even though it would be a lot of hard work and sacrifice. I love my mother-in-law for always being so supportive of Michael. They have such a great relationship and she always validates and encourages him. Michael is going to go back to school to be a veterinarian.
     He has two years worth of prerequisites to finish before he can apply to the DVM program at WSU. We decided it was best for him to take those at a local community college because they would be less expensive and we can continue to live here at the lake house which also cuts down on expenses. Last week we visited the campus at Everett Community College where Michael is planning on starting in the fall. I was inspired by the visit to consider going back to school myself. I actually like school . . . now. There were a few questionable years at BYU-I that I like to forget but I attended the community college up in Bellingham for a quater when I first moved up there (before Michael and I had even met) and I achieved really good grades - a 4.0 (I'm pretty proud of it, obviously.) But then my mom got sick and I stopped going to school so I could go home a visit her and then once she passed away I just never went back.
    Long story short - I want my kids to grow up knowing that college is important. How can I preach what I won't practice? My mom went back to school before she got sick and I was always so proud of her for doing it. With the degree that Michael is working towards there will probably never be a NEED for me to work outside of the home to help support our family BUT I will be able to work because I WANT to.
   I've decided to pursue a degree in accounting. It sounds so dry, I know. I would much rather study english and literature but there isn't much money to be made in any kind of career path that would yield.  I do like crunching numbers. I like managing finances. I like filing taxes. It must come from that anal part of me that always likes to be overprepared and extremely organized.
    I applied to EvCC and was (of course) accepted (who isn't accepted to community college?!) and tonight I completed the online orientation, applied for financial aid, ordered an official transcript from WCC to be sent over to the EvCC offices, filled out a transfer credit evaluation request and a request to waive placement testing. I have to set up an appointment with an advisor and plan out my class schedule. I will be taking as many classes as I can online and in the evenings - whatever will work with Michael's class schedule so at least one of us will be able to be home with the baby. The plan is to finish my associates in about the same time it takes Michael to finish his prerequisites and to transfer to WSU to get my bachelors while Michael is in the DVM program.
    A lot of things can go wrong to mess this up. It might take me longer to finish my associates than it takes Michael to finish his prereqs. Michael may not get into the DVM program on his first attempt. I may not get in to WSU. We're just going to have faith that if we both work our hardest that things will all work out the way they are supposed to.
    Like I said, a lot of hard work and sacrifice.

Feedings & Fender-Benders

    We got in a bit of a fender-bender today as we were driving home. We were rear-ended by a nice lady who didn't see us stop behind a car that was waiting to make a left turn. Michael even saw her coming up fast in the rearview mirror and tried to pull out of the way but she hit us anyway. I was a little terrified because the baby was in the backseat but he slept through the whole thing and was totally fine. We had to get out and exchange insurance information and I made Michael call the police department to send someone out to file a accident report. After working in a collision repair shop and with numerous amounts of insurance companies I wanted to make absolutely sure that her insurance company wouldn't try and say that any part of the accident was our fault. I felt bad because the sheriff gave her a ticket but I wanted to do everything by the book. I also got on the phone with her insurance company right then and filed a claim. I'm supposed to hear from an adjuster by monday. It wasn't a major accident at all but we will need a new bumper and hatch door. I'm definitely making sure that her insurance company will provide us with a rental car to use while ours is in the shop and that they replace Emerson's car seat with a brand new one. Feel so bad for our poor little Versa.

     In better news, Emerson's weight gain has really started to take off. My doctor has me taking fenugreek three times a day, pumping as much as I can and we're still offering the little guy a bottle of formula after feedings. It seems to be doing the trick. At his one month appointment he weighed in at 9 lbs 8 oz. He's also sprouted up a full inch. It's crazy just how quickly they grow!!! He's also getting a lot better at holding his head up. It's cute to watch it bobble around. 

    We've really been enjoying all of the sunny weather we've had lately. Emerson and I spend most afternoons sitting on the deck, looking out at the beautiful lake and tossing the ball around for Luna to chase. We've also been taking the stroller out for walks up and down our street because it's not too traffic busy.
    Life is really good!